Creating a culture of accountability

According to the business execution software company, SuccessFactors, there are three (3) pillars for building a culture of accountability.

1. Clearly set goals and expectations communicated to all employees
2. Constant feedback and guidance
3. Company-wide performance and transparency

Early on in my career, I worked for companies that aligned their goals. Naturally, I assumed that all organizations set strategic corporate level goals and then trickled them on down to the divisions, departments and individual employees. Overall, my work and consulting experiences have demonstrated to me that this is often not the case. Many well-intentioned companies have a strategic plan with beautifully thought out and written goals, but they were never communicated to the employees; or they were communicated once at an “all-hands” meeting and nothing else came of them. I realized, many companies just don’ t know what to do.

To create an accountable organization and save money, reduce confusion and increase employee morale, simply spend some time setting your strategic goals and creating a plan to implement and align them to what your divisions, departments and employees do everyday.

Then, give feedback so people know how they are doing and can recalibrate as needed. Have you ever sat in a performance review and had your boss rate you low on something that you had no idea you were bad at – after a whole year of performing. It’s like someone kicked you in the stomach. Your people need to know how they are doing often. Don’t wait until the end of the year.

Finally, let employees know how their hard work is paying off by telling them how the company is doing overall. And, if the company isn’t doing too well, then tell them as much as you can along with your plan for improving the situation. There’s nothing like leaving your employees in the dark to squash morale and innovation.

This really is a simple way to transform your organization. It does take a good amount of focused time and dedication to see it through. The payoff to organizations who invest the time is a more positive, productive and accountable organization.

Leadership skills: Are you born a leader or made?

There’s no doubt that there are some people out there that are blessed to be natural-born leaders. They are people-people and they just get it. However, that doesn’t mean that those of us that don’t necessarily have the innate skills to lead, can’t become great leaders. It will take a lot of self-awareness and learning. But, continuous learning isn’t just for the not-so-natural born leader.

I’ve had the awesome experience of working for and consulting with some of those natural-born leaders. The ones you can’t get enough of and want to be around learning from all day long. The ones that transform work places and make going to work exciting and something we can’t wait for. Here’s the thing, though. A couple of the natural-born leaders I’ve worked with didn’t know why they were great leaders. They didn’t know what it was about their personality, communication style or leadership philosophy that engaged their people. They didn’t know why what they were doing was working or if they should even keep doing it.

My conversations with these leaders revealed confusion and angst about doing the right thing. They didn’t even know they were doing the right thing in many cases and spent too much time oscillating on their decisions – doubting their decisions. This doubt can lead a great leader down a not-so-great leader path very quickly. This is why, in my humble opinion, it is important for even the natural-born leaders to learn about leadership, their leadership and what motivates and engages their people.

What makes a great leader great? Is that learned or innate?

Whaddya Think Wednesday: Fear of Success, huh?

Do We Fear Success?

Why is it that for many of us, we struggle with reaching our goals both at work and at home? For many, it’s the fear of failure that completely paralyzes us so we do nothing. The thought process is, well if I do nothing, then I can’t fail. I get this and at times have competently practiced this “self-talk.”

What about Fear Of Success? Is there such a thing? Aren’t we all striving to be successful? Successful entrepreneurs, employees, managers, spouses, parents, friends, etc? What’s so fearful about being a good parent, a good entrepreneur?

Here’s what I think. We are just as fearful of success as we are of failure. We get equally paralyzed by both and often choose to do nothing, instead.

What do you think? I’m curious to start a discussion about this. So, let’s Do Something different and see where it goes.

Difficult Conversations with Difficult People: Three Tips to Move Forward

One of the worst parts of anyone’s day is to have a conversation with a difficult person. The conversation itself may or may not be difficult. Frankly, you may not like the person you need to speak with making the interaction and subsequent conversation difficult. These three tips will assist you with moving gracefully through your difficult conversations.

1. Decode a Previous Conversation
Before the next conversation with your difficult person decode a previous message. Doing so will help you identify your own reactions (i.e., your feelings) to the other person.

Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the right side of the page, write down a previous conversation with your difficult person. Record verbatim as much as possible. For example you would write something like, SURESH (the difficult person): Bob, do you have the issues report for XYZ project? ME (Bob): I said I wasn’t going to get that to you until the end of the day. And so on. On the left side of the column write down what you were thinking to yourself each time Suresh said something. For example, when Suresh asked for the report let’s say you were actually thinking, “Get off my back micro-manager”.

After you’ve completed both sides of the paper (what was said and what you were thinking), review the “what you were thinking” side. You may notice you had negative thoughts throughout the conversation. While you may think you disguised your thoughts adequately with you words, your body language was probably telling another story. Undoubtedly, your difficult person picked up on this incongruence to which he reacts by displaying defensive body language or a more condescending tone. This vicious cycle goes on until the conversation ends – for better or worse.

Coaching Challenge: Just before the next conversation with your difficult person, think of him as a friend, trusted advisor, outstanding husband and father (if those roles apply). Even though this may make you cringe, just give it a try. Do so during the conversation too. Notice what your body does during the conversation. Notice the difference in the conversation itself.

2. Understand Intent versus Impact
A mistake often made during difficult conversations is assuming intent – especially negative intent. In the example above, when Suresh asks Bob for the issues report, Bob is probably assuming some ill intent on behalf of Suresh, like making Bob look incompetent. However, what if Suresh was simply asking with the intent of offering help knowing that Bob is a top performer and has taken on a heavy workload?

Assuming intention has more to do with the impact a statement or question has on us than the real intentions of the other person. We often assume the worst especially when interacting with a difficult person.

Coaching Challenge: During your next difficult conversation, be present with what is being said, be aware of it’s impact on you and Assume Innocence. Assume the other person’s intentions are good and for your well-being.

3. Get Crazy Curious
Decoding a previous conversation and understanding intent versus impact assists you with identifying the sticking points in a conversation. Crazy Curiosity helps you gracefully move through a difficult conversation. When you are curious, you are inquisitive, wanting to know and learn. There is no space in your thought process for certainty or “knowing it all” when you are curious. When you come from a position of certainty, as in you are certain Suresh’s question about the issues report is about making you look incompetent, the conversation is stuck. There is no good outcome from that perspective.

However, if you get curious about Suresh’s inquiry first by kindly letting him know of the previous agreed upon deadline (end of day). Second, ask Suresh if there is a need to have the report sooner, or is there other information he may need. You may discover that Suresh was asking about the report out of his own curiosity. He had some “down time” and was going around to his employees asking how he can be of assistance to them because Suresh doesn’t like sitting idle while his employees are swamped. When you get curious you dive into other people’s perspectives and where they are coming from.

Coaching Challenge: During your next difficult conversation, ask the other person what they need or how you can assist them. Be crazy curious about how you really can help the other person. You’ll start to notice a difference in the other person’s reaction to you. It may take a few times especially if there is a long history of conflict.

What do you need to change to gracefully move through a difficult conversation or an interaction with a difficult person?

Photo: www.freedigitalphotos.net
Reference: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton & Sheila Heen

What’s Your Non-Verbal Communication Costing You?

You know the saying, “it’s not what you say it’s how you say it.”

Only 7% of a message is in the words we use. That means nearly all of our communication we send come from our body or non-verbal cues. Effective leaders and managers – anyone whose success is dependent upon communicating with others needs to know the impact of non-verbal communication on her or his success.

Below are five common non-verbal cues, their meaning and potential impact.

1. Hands behind back
Holding hands behind the back is a confidence gesture. What’s more is this sign shows power and superiority. The heart, stomach, lungs, etc are exposed in this position. If you are trying to build or repair a business relationship, it’s best to avoid this position as it may be seen as smug. However, if your opinions or decisions are being criticized, this position can build confidence with the receivers.

2. Arms crossed
This is a protection gesture. Many people cross their arms when they feel threatened. This doesn’t necessarily have to be a physical threat. Crossed arms can occur when a manager is giving constructive feedback to her employee and the employee feels a bit threatened. If you notice your employee crossing her arms this is an opportunity to acknowledge the employee for doing something well.

3. Rubbing the chin
This is a form of an evaluation gesture. When the listener brings his hand to his chin and rubs or strokes it, he is in decision-making mode. If you are a manager listening to an employee’s presentation, you may reveal that you are starting your decision-making process before the employee is finished.

4. Hand on cheek (elbow on table)
This is a sign the listener is bored. Again, if you are a manager listening to your employee’s presentation, you may want to be aware if you are beginning to show signs of boredom – even if you really are bored.

5. Steeple
Placing your hands or arms (visualize elbows on table with fingertips pressed together) shows great confidence. Often used in superior-subordinate interaction as when a manager is giving direction to her employee. While the steeple demonstrates great confidence in what the person is saying, it can be interpreted as smugness (think “Dr. Evil”).

Reading non-verbal communication is similar to reading the written word. It needs to be taken in clusters and read in context. Knowing some basics of non-verbal communication will help you notice when your body is communicating what you are thinking.

Notice the next time you rub your chin when listening to an employee. Are you evaluating something? If you are evaluating something are you fully present and listening to your employee? Your employee will notice.

Photo: www.fotosearch.com

Was That An Apology? Part III

Did you apologize to someone last week? Maybe a colleague, friend, spouse, maybe even your child? Were you able to let go of your ego, express regret and accept responsibility? These are all elements of a sincere and graceful apology.

The following tips (tip #s 5, 6, & 7) are the final three for making a sincere and graceful apology. Read Part I and Part II.

5. Rationalizing your behavior doesn’t make it okay.
After expressing regret and accepting responsibility, our ingrained human need to be right usually kicks in about now. This is when we introduce excuses for why we behaved the way we did. I’ve heard some of the silliest excuses, “I’m just so passionate about this topic”, “I didn’t eat a full breakfast this morning so I’m a little irritated”, “Management is breathing down my neck.” While these statements may be true, none of them excuse offensive behavior, and none of them make the receiver of the apology feel any better. The only thing these statements do is relinquish responsibility from the apologizer in his attempt to make himself feel better. Listen up apologizers, it’s not about you! It’s all about the person you offended (see tip #2).

6. Be changed by the experience.
If you continue to offend the same person in the same way, you are forgetting to let go of your ego (again, tip #2). An apology is an opportunity to learn about our team members; how to interact and communicate with them, and, yes, how to apologize to them. Not to mention that doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is the definition of insanity in my book!

So, stop the insanity, be changed by the experience and try to correct the offensive behavior or mistake by doing something different. Say it as part of your apology. For example, “I will be more careful with my words and more aware of my tone in the future.”

7. Embrace Silence
Allow for the receiver the respond to your apology. That means allow for silence while the receiver processes what you’ve said. It will be uncomfortable. If the receiver wants an explanation, give one. Just remember to avoid excuses. For example, “I was trying to get my point across that we are behind in schedule on this project and that we can’t miss our deadline. I realize now that I let my frustrations take over rather than helping the team to move forward” is much better than “we are behind schedule and I needed to do something to wake up the team.” The latter implies that the team somehow caused the apologizer to commit an offense. The first shows the apologizer taking full responsibility for his actions without laying blame on anyone or anything else.

Utilizing these 7 tips (here and here) will help you experience more sincere and graceful apologies. Taking the example from Part I of this series and putting all the tips together, a sincere and graceful apology would go something like this:

“I apologize for my outburst in our staff meeting last week. I raised my voice and made some harsh statements that were offensive. My words and actions were completely out of line, unprofessional and hurtful. I was trying to get my point across that we are behind schedule on this project and that missing our deadline was not an option. I recognize now that I let my frustrations take over rather than helping the team move forward, and I’m sorry for letting that happen. I will be more careful with my words and tone and how they impact the team.”

Now that’s a sincere and graceful apology.

What Do You Want!?

I just finished reading Art Petty’s blog post about the phrase “How Can I Help?” Here’s what Art has to say about it: “These four simple words are powerful leadership tools when framed into a question and applied with genuine intent.” As I read the post, I was reminded that our communication strategies as a parent are the same strategies as a leader in the workplace. It boils down to human behavior.

When my son would say, “mommy, mommy, mommy…” I tended to respond with a snarky “what!”  or “what do you want?!”, like my son’s inquiry was imposing on me. Or, he’d be working on building a tower with his blocks and look perplexed on how to keep the tower from falling over. I’d tell him, “no don’t put that one there or it’s going to fall over, put it here.”

How many times as a leader have you responded to an employee’s inquiry in a similar way? Maybe a sigh, slight roll of the eyes or you begin to take a step away like there’s something more important to get to. Likewise, you notice during a project meeting your direct report seems to be stuck and not know how to resolve a tough issue. Have you jumped in and told your employee what to do just to get it over with?

On a whim, I began to respond to my son’s inquiries or perplexed looks with “how can I help” not so much because I think I’m the world’s best mommy, but because I wanted to change the situation so I tried something different. I noticed  a change in my son’s reaction. He stopped the repetitive, “mommy, mommy, mommy” even after I asked him what he wanted and started formulated really focused thoughts or questions. What’s more is I noticed a change in my tone and perspective….I was really curious about how I could help him.

Mr. Petty says in his post, “it takes self-confidence, a dose of humility and a genuine comprehension of the role of leader to form and apply the question, ‘How can I help?’ This individual understands that telling’ isn’t the only way to lead.”

This is so true in the workplace and in the “familyplace”. There needs to be a balance of confidence and humility to be the leaders our organizations and families want and need. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place to tell rather than ask or to step in rather than sit back. My point, as Mr. Petty says in his post, is that asking “how can I help?” demonstrates the leader’s confidence and trust in his team members. Likewise, a parent demonstrates confidence and trust in his children. In turn, all are given an opportunity to learn and acquire new skills.

As a leader, how can you help your team members be more effective. What do you need to change in order to do so?

Image: www.freedigitalphotos.net

Forget About Good (or Bad) Performance – Focus On Results

The other day, during one of my son’s two year old tantrums I told him he was not being a good boy. The next thing he said made my heart hurt and my confidence as a parent sink. He softened his voice and pleadingly says through his tears, “mommy, I be good boy, now.” Wow, that stopped me in my tracks. I realized rather than being curious about the tantrum and what he might be working through, I passed judgment on him. In doing so, he started pleading for my attention. Ouch!

This experience reminded me of discussions that often come up during my coaching sessions. At some point, the conversation turns to a discussion about “good” and “bad” performance for that particular individual. The phrase “that wasn’t good” comes up a lot. I noticed during those conversations that so much time and energy was spent thinking about why a particular outcome “wasn’t good” that little energy was spent doing something to change it. They get stuck on performing badly.

I encourage folks to look at their performance in terms of results sans judgment. That is, did they get the results they wanted? Did that interaction with your difficult employee work or not work? By looking at results we take away the shame, blame or disappointment one may feel when they didn’t do a good job. It takes away the need to rationalize one’s performance and opens the door to look at how to get the desired results.

When we notice that our performance simply didn’t work we are able to forget about the judgment and reexamine desired results. It gives us an opportunity to get really clear on what we want.

What I wanted from my example above was for my son to work through his emotions (what I called a tantrum) and feel safe enough with me to do so. Instead, the result was a little boy who was worried about pleasing his mother. I will never again tell my boy that he isn’t being good. I will honor his emotions and be with him to help him work through those two year old emotions – even if it is right in the middle of a crowded grocery store.

When my performance as a parent isn’t perfect, I used to call it a “bad mommy moment.” Now I call it a “mommy moment”, one that simply didn’t work.

What have you done lately in your work-life or parenting journey that didn’t work?

What was the result you wanted?

What result did you get?

Do you need to get clear on the results you really want?

Image: freedigitalphotos.net

Was That An Apology? Part II

Last week I started a multi-part post about apologizing with sincerity and grace. Did anyone apologize to you this past week? Did you notice if there was a “but” or “if” in their apology? Click here to read last week’s post.

These next three of seven tips (tip #’s 2, 3, & 4) will go into the mechanics of making a sincere and graceful apology.

2. Let go of your ego.
In order to sincerely and gracefully apologize, you need to get over yourself and let go of your ego. You may need to take a few deep breaths to really get this one. Oh, and stop taking yourself so seriously. A wise colleague once said to me “would you rather be right or rich?” (In this case, rich can mean rich and productive work relationships, having fun on a project team, enjoying a good relationship with your peers, etc.) Deep down inside, I wanted to be right. Deeper down, I wanted to be rich.

3. Express regret
Say “I’m sorry”. It’s a powerful statement. Plus, it’s the easiest element of an apology. However, left alone the phrase can seem insincere and contrived, and the receiver may feel slighted. Muttering the words “I’m sorry” is only the beginning.

4. Accept responsibility for your actions and words
Acknowledge what happened by admitting that you have offended someone or made a mistake whether it was intentional or not. Even if you don’t believe you did anything wrong or offensive, if it is perceived as so, take responsibility for how your actions or words impacted the other person. Using the example from the original post, the manager could say, “I recognize that my words and actions offended you. I raised my voice while making a harsh statement.”

Stay tuned next week for Part III in this series to discover the rest of the elements of a sincere and graceful apology.

“I Don’t Like That Kum Ba Ya Stuff!”

In the corporate world, when I walk onto an elevator, I often hear, “it’s the Kum ba ya lady”, or “I hope we don’t have to do any of that Kum ba ya stuff at the upcoming off-site.”

I really don’t like the Kum ba ya stuff either. It’s uncomfortable, sappy and a lot of the times, just hokey. This coming from the person at the front of the room making you go through all of this. Even though I don’t like the “Kum ba ya Stuff”, I know that it is a required part of creating, building, being and sustaining a high-performing team. I’ll even go so far as to say that even my fellow kum ba ya dislike-ers know it’s required.

Yes, that stuff that makes us want to expel our lunch actually leads to more effective teams. How is it that something so uncomfortable, uneasy and avoided with great effort leads to effective teaming?

It builds trust.

Keep the conversation going by leaving a comment with your thoughts to these questions:

1. How does team building activities/exercises build trust?

2. Why do so many of us dislike team building?